I was told today that my life would make a good book. I am not sure if I should take this as a compliment or not. But let me tell you (Jessica and co.) that I think you might be right. And good thing I can write pretty well, because this could make us millions (wait a minute, us? This could make ME millions).
This morning I set up a camera in the local McDonalds, I then convinced Jessica to go and buy me a $10 McDonalds gift card that comes with a free 2012 calendar including coupons for free food. I then told her to go back and buy another gift card with the original gift card, thus getting another calendar, but reusing the same $10. After the really intelligent woman at the cash register charged her card about four times and the manager was called in, who knows how much this all cost her. From the back of the restaurant, someone finally yelled “just give her her nuggets.” Sucker. So anyway, now I have a free calendar and lots of free McDonalds food (cuz, ya know, I eat there SO often). And damnit do I wish I had really set up the camera. I might add, this was all going on while I was so loyally doing work at my desk (don’t laugh, you know I am working damn hard, 3 days after coming back from FMLA…why did I come back again?). What was Jessica doing at McDonalds at 10am on a Thursday? My guess is, trying to stay busy so she didn’t have to come back to the office to her real responsibilities (ie, decorating the building for Christmas). Man, her job is so high level.
We have this picture of this kid in our office. We call him Josh. He is from our program several years ago, when he submitted 3 head shots of himself along with his application. We do not require headshots. Anyway, 2 of them have been lost overtime, but the third one has lived on, and has been passed around and around. Currently Josh is living on my desk, after I found him in one of my fingerless gloves during a particularly cold day in the office (probably about 40 degrees with the air conditioning blowing from my own personal vent). Thanks Jess. Let me just say though, Josh has made the rounds. He once spent the afternoon taped to Kat’s front windscreen, looking in until she got in the car to stare back. He spent some time on the bottom of my mouse, so that I could get no response from the little arrow on my screen. He even made the trip to Vegas with us one year. Dusty was not happy about an extra man coming with us. I was even less happy when Josh watched me brush my teeth for 3 minutes and I never saw him, even though he was taped at eye level on the mirror in front of me. I might have been 10 beers in, and $200 richer at that point, but at least I wasn’t the one eating food off of EVERYONE else’s plate (Jessica). Anyway, if you want to be part of the TAS fun, send a picture our way and we will make sure it gets taken everywhere and taped in funny places along the way.
While discussing a house that Jessica and Dusty were considering buying from a rather attractive single man, Jessica says to our single friend who was quite possibly interested in this guy “I am just not sure he will go down enough.” Ten minutes later, when two of us stopped laughing and Jessica removed the look of pure shock from how dirty we are, she added “on the price! I don’t think he will go down ON THE PRICE!” Uh huh, Jess, whatever you say.
There is this student who is here this fall. She is perfectly nice, but comes to visit all the time, tells me her life story, and never leaves. Literally hours have been spent with me sitting on my desk chair staring past her as she recounts yesterday’s guitar lesson or the paper she is writing for some online course. So yesterday, I heard her voice and nearly jumped out of my skin. Luckily she was 2 rows over still. So what did I do? I quietly slipped down 4 rows to Jessica’s desk and hid. Like ducking and everything. Jess thinks it is bad that she has moved down to BFE in our office. I think of it as a good hideout. Now if she could just supply snacks, it could be like out secret club house. Maybe we could get a sign and a secret handshake.
Jessica has twins. They say you can’t have favorites, but I do. Don’t tell them, it wouldn’t go well. Brylee and I have been buddies since the beginning. When she was in the hospital, she was somehow always the one I held. Once she came home, she was the difficult eater, and y’all know I love a challenge. Well, sort of. I loved the challenge, but never won. Brylee always spit up on me. Always. I switched to Brooklyn for a while, who at the time was a great eater. Then something happened. Brylee doubled in size in about an hour. My little buddy (who I called Gilligan), suddenly had six arm joints and wrists the size of mine. Little Thunder Thighs quicky earned the name “Chunk” and because my best friend. When I walk into the house, she stares me down until I pick her up. And she LOVES her Aunt Debs. Don’t get me wrong, I love both of those little girls with my entire heart, and would do anything for either of them, but Brylee has wedged herself into my life big time. She has the cutest grin, and she just stares at me until I grab her and throw her in the air, at which point she laughs. And this little girl’s laugh is the best thing in the world. She doesn’t just giggle, she actually just smiles and says “Ha, ha ha, ha” and looks expectantly at me, as I crack up. And when she and her sister talk to each other, Jess and I die over the cuteness. Man, it doesn’t get any better. I am teaching the girls how to wave and blow kisses. I think Brylee has waving down, but refuses to do it. She knows what to do, she is just stubborn, much like her Aunt Debs. Don’t worry, when she gets older I will teach her how to use that stubbornness to her advantage against her parents by sneaking out and drinking beer behind the pool house at age 14. She is a rule follower, so no one will ever think anything of it. Brooklyn can come too, but she is going to have to leave all her cheerleader friends behind.
So, there's chapter 1. Chaper 2 will consist of some stories from Jessica's pregnancy (specifically a long discussion of low carb foods versus fast food and also how she still wears the shirts she wore while pregnant and doesn't think they are stretched at all. C'mon, Jess, you are 3 inches wide and you were pregnant with TWINS. Your shirts are stretched!), and also some fun commentary on some of my other friends and the chaos they call life.
