Full Disclosure

Sigh. Ok, fine. I like to blog, and I am an open book. Most of the time. But, in the last 3 months, I haven't been writing about EVERYTHING on here (and for those of you who know EVERYTHING, don't worry, I'm not actually writing about it ALL). I like to think that this blog keeps people updated on what is going on in the life of Deb. But, it also is my way of getting things off my chest, and talking about things that are bothering me, and just venting. Trust me, there are some amazing posts you people will never read because I was just venting, and then realized that what I had written should NEVER appear on the internet. So, anyway, in the spirit of being open, honest, and allowing me to get it all off my chest, here goes:

Remember three months ago when I had that cardiologist appointment? And then I had the stress test? And then I sort of just stopped talking about it? Well, yea. That's not exactly where the story ended. So, don't freak out (I have to start this story with that phrase A LOT), but here is the whole story...

After I went to the cardiologist a few months ago, I pretty much told most people he gave me a full pass and sent me away. Not totally true. After he ran the Echocardiogram, he found a small spot on one of the pictures, and wasn't sure what it was, or if it was just a shadow, or a lump of Calcium, or something totally different. So, he called me back in, or rather, called me to come to the Clear Lake Heart Hospital, for a procedure called a Transesophageal Echocardiography, or TEE for short (us NASA people love our acronyms). This procedure is basically where they drug you up in the hospital and put a camera down your throat to take a picture of your heart through your esophagus. They drug you up really nicely so that you are still awake (and can follow commands like swallowing, coughing, breathing, etc), but so that you don't remember anything after the fact. It was somewhat painful afterwards, but they were right, I dont remember much of it, so a sore throat is pretty good considering how big the probe with the camera was. I was picturing a small camera, like the size of my pinky fingernail, attached to a string. Yea, not so much. (Also, some of you might remember the HUGE bruise on my arm...yea, that was nurse Kate and her inability to put an IV

Anyway, what came out of this was the fact that I have a small (1.5cm) benign tumor in the right atrium of my heart. Now, let me stop here. When someone tells you this for the first time, your stomach definitely hits the floor. And then ties itself in a huge knot. Twice. And you stop listening the the doctor immediately and go to the nice blank space in your brain where the beach lives, with margaritas and guacamole and beach balls. Yea, I was blown away. And when I told a few people about it afterwards, they wanted to know things like "what causes this" or "what happens if it gets bigger?" And yea, I had no idea. I mean, I am sure the doctor told me, but I was drunk on a mystery beach by then. At least in my head I was. So, I left the office pretty numb, with the promise that he would check with the heart surgeon to see what he thought, but he was not concerned, since the tumor is small and in the right side of my heart. The left side would be a huge issue, since if it got loose on that side, it could go into my brain or other major organ. The right side wouldn't be detrimental apparently, because the lump, if it fell off, would just go into my lungs, and is too small to actually block an artery. Oh, and get this: this kind of tumor in the right side of your heart only happens to actually about 1 in 1 million people. Yea, I am that special.

So, today (uh, a month later, thanks Dr. T), he called me to tell me after checking with four surgeons (he wanted to check with four surgeons since this is SO RARE in the right side of your heart that there is very little literature on it) they all agree that we don't need to do anything right now, and in fact, that is their recommendation. There is no need to open me up (because, if you people had found on google what I found about removing this through open heart surgery ONLY, you would also not want it removed), but he does want to run another TEE on me in six months to make sure the tumor hasn't grown. I am ok with this, even though I swore I would never let anyone put a camera down my throat again. At least the drugs were pretty fun that day, and Becky enjoyed picking me up from the hospital all drugged up and groggy. I think she messed with me, but I can't be sure. I do know that I gave her a heart attack when I was trapped in the hospital for four hours with no cell phone contact. Pretty sure she was having her own small heart attacks when I wasn't responding (Becky, next time just assume I have run off with the hot doctor to an undisclosed location).

So, there you have it folks. I am not perfect after all. I know you are all shocked. I have this growth in my heart. It reminds me of the scene in My Big Fact Greek Wedding when the cousin (aunt? I dont remember the character) had the twin growing on her neck. It is like my little buddy. The doctor drew me a picture, the little guy is hanging on for dear life on a string, just swishing around in there in all my blood. Yea, I'm nuts, but it's how I get by. And you people keep coming back to read all my stories, so therefore, you are a little crazy too. but now you know, and I dont have to write around it like I have been for the last few weeks. And I am fine, so don't get all weird on me and stress me out. I have enough of that without all of your problems too. ;-)