Walking with an Angel

The tears started yesterday afternoon when the pictures started. Facebook can be great when you want information, but it also removes the ability to not have things thrown into your face when you might want to avoid them. Today Suzy would have been 32 years old. This weekend she would have had a swimming party, with margaritas and hamburgers. We would have laughed and laughed and had a grand old time. All the kids would have played together. There would have been general chaos, but she would have loved it. I’ll be celebrating Suzy all day long, and thinking about the fun times we all shared.

It’s been 18 months since she died. My life is completely different than it was when she was still here. It’s no secret the year after she died was the most trying time in my life. I can say now though that my life is better than it has ever been. I was always happy, but I am now happy to the point where I sometimes find myself thinking about how happy I really am. And I talk to her about it, because I know she is watching it all go down, and helping us all along. Losing a friend like that was one of the hardest things I had ever gone through up to that point in my life. What followed may have not been harder, but it was as much of a challenge as her death was. What helped me, though, was the reminder to take advantage of life and live it for all it is worth. Suzy’s life was cut way too short, and I would take her back in a heartbeat. However, since we will never be that lucky, it is only right to let her live on as a reminder of how valuable life is, and how much we all have to live for. I am so lucky to be surrounded by so many people who love and care about me. I re-found a note from Suzy when I cleaned out my NASA desk in August. It made me tear up and smile at the same time. She was so carefree, and she LOVED life so much. Sometimes I fall into bed at night after a full day, completely exhausted. And I think how nice it would be to have a day to do nothing. And very quickly I realize that in reality, that is the last thing I want. I can’t waste days anymore. My brain doesn’t let me. Sometimes it's just the little things. If I have an hour, I visit my minis (because I love them so freakin’ much). If I have time at work, I am constantly planning something new (mostly trips). I like to be busy, not just to be entertained, but to feel like I am not wasting time, wasting life. It is too important. When I have down time, I sign up for new and ridiculous hobbies or challenges (curling anyone?). And then sometimes I wonder how I get myself into certain situations…

This weekend Jessica and I are walking to Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in New York City. We have been fundraising since early April and training (sort of ) since the summer. We each raised $1800 and walked countless miles. I am lucky to be able to do something like this, on so many levels. I am lucky to have the support of my friends and community who donated to this amazing cause. I am lucky to be physically able to walk 40 miles in two days (well, hopefully). I am lucky to have a job that allows me the time to take on these kinds of adventures. I am lucky to have a best friend who will walk next to me, and keep me on track, even if it is 60 degrees and raining. And I bet we don’t run out of things to talk about the entire way! But mostly, I am incredibly lucky to be healthy enough to participate in this kind of event. We both are well aware that this experience will be a lot of fun, but also an incredible emotional two days. We will be walking with people who have survived this terrible disease. We will also be walking with people who have lost or are losing loved ones to this horrific illness. Even during my training I was well aware that the pain and exhaustion I felt from an 8 or 10 mile walk was nothing compared to the pain of this illness. It will be quite a weekend, and another reminder of how important and valuable our lives are. I know Suzy will be with us every step of the way, keeping us safe and laughing with us (and probably thinking we are nuts for taking this challenge on). I just wish she was here to walk with us.

New job, summer wrap up...

I have a new job. And I love it. It is all the great parts of my last job without all the bullshit. I get to hang out with students all day, give them advice (you know I'm all about advice) and at 5pm, when I go home, I leave the work behind. I missed my old job for about two tenths of a second, and then I remembered all the crappy managing and micromanagement and hoops we jumped through every day. And while I had about 4 really great coworkers, I still see them on a semi-regular basis, so I dont feel like I'm missing anything...except a lot of stress. Life is good. Oh, and I have my own office, with a window, a door (that locks) and my own private space. It is AMAZING. Here is my view:

I sort of skimped on the end of my summer in the blog. It was quite a whirlwind...Jess and I spent 4 fast paced days in England with my family. Jessica maintains she has never heard so much british cursing and seen so much serious drinking in such a short amount of time. I maintain she was clearly warned. I dont think she will ever be the same. She does say she understands me better now. And every once in a while, she (and now Billy too) like to call me Matmo. I have created a monster.

After England, we went on a short 4 day cruise. With the minis. Yep, that's right, 7 adults and 2 blonde twins, and the twins won. They were big fans of not napping and running the halls to watch the elevators go up and down. They tried the pool, but really, like like their Aunt Debs, liked the free soft serve ice cream next to the pool more than the swimming itself. They did not enjoy the long drawn out dinners, but instead enjoyed the buffet every night while Aunt Debs ordered 3 desserts in their absence. We dragged them around in their red wagon and they were the hit of the ship. Well, except for Jessica and me, who hit it big in the casino and paid for our cruises and then some. The first time ever that a pit boss has bought drinks for us while on a cruise ship. We were that impressive. I got some sun and a lot of rest, and enjoyed my last 3 days of vacation before I was actually on unemploymentcation.

September was spent sleeping in, applying for jobs, and lunching. That's right, I was a socialite for a month. It was pretty nice, especially once I got the new job and knew I would have a paycheck coming in on a regular basis. Billy closed on his house and we moved him in. Good thing he is never moving again, because that boy sure does have a lot of crap. And opinions about where his crap belongs. He and his crap will live in that house for the next 60 years. It will be easier than moving him again. Billy and Saundra and Paul also took me to my first Astros game, which was about what I expected...not quite a Dodger gamer ;) We left early for the Chocolate Bar, as you do...

I spent a weekend in Los Angeles for Colleen's Bachelorette weekend. We had a fun time getting pampered and then out on the town at Universal City Walk (which will forever remind me of high school) at Howl at the Moon. It was a whirlwind trip, but definitely worth it. Can't wait for the wedding in a few weeks...!

I'm excited for the fall...this weekend is the much anticipated walk in NYC. It is supposed to be 62 and raining. I imagine this walk might not go quite as we planned. Anyone want an over under on how long it takes me to get sick after 26 miles in cold rain? Or how many miles Jess completed before finding a bar where she can watch the A&M game? After NYC, I am home for a couple of weeks, and then off to Cali for Colleen's wedding, Chicago to visit Cindy and Sofia, and then New Orleans to visit the Farrs/Dobsons. And then it's Christmas! My favorite time of the year, and full of all sorts of fun. Come visit me, the nice time in Houston should fall sometime in the next 10 days in Houston. Then it will be gross and cold until mid March, when you will have another window of about 4 days to visit. Plan it now folks!