30 for 30

So, yesterday I stayed home "sick" from work. Yea, cough, cough. And Jessica and I drove out to Lake Charles to do some Blackjack playing and to just hang out. I finished my last spring program on Friday (or well, really, Saturday morning about 12:30am when the last kid was safely in a hotel for an early morning Saturday flight), so I was ready for some down time and some fun friend time. I have been seeing very little of anyone other than students and my awesome coworkers. Don't get me wrong, I love Tristyn and Katherine, but after 6 weeks, they have heard all my stories. So, it was nice to get away from work, and to just reflect on life and discuss issues that don't involve student food allergies, tours, or why the rover engines are slower than last year (look at my face, does it look like I care?). Anyway, we came across this list "Thirty Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the time she is 30." It is below. We went through the list and decided we were both doing pretty well...but NOT perfect, according to the list.

 By 30, you should have:
1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.
8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
13. The belief that you deserve it.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.

By 30, you should know:
1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.
2. How you feel about having kids.
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend with-out ruining the friendship.
4. When to try harder and when to walk away.
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town.
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
8. Where to go—be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat—when your soul needs soothing.
9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
15. Why they say life begins at 30!

We decided were doing pretty good for ourselves. And this list made me think, I have come so far in the last five years. I think I spend a lot of time measuring my life based on the last year, which we all know sucked. However, if I look back 5 years, I have had some great moments, and some awesome learning experiences. And I have had some lows too...but the high definitely outnumber these lows. And somewhere along the way, I not only hit my thirties, but dove in head first. And you know what, they are kinda fun. So, a few comments on the list. First, thanks Dad for the screwdrivers and cordless drill. At the time I rolled my eyes, but now I am so glad you took care of your daughters enough to not let us be dumb girls. And loved us enough to teach us how to pretend to be dumb girls when we need something done for us. And the black bra, well, I think there is a hotel room in Vegas that will never be the same after the "black bra club" rolled in for a certain bachelorette party a few years back. I think I am doing well with the things I should have. I have some juicy stories for my old age (I LOVE when my grandmother tells her juiciest stories over wine and pasta. Now that we are old enough to hear them, she tells us EVERYTHING!). I have a non padded resume. I have a bunch of friends who let me laugh, let me cry, and let me do both at the same time. I have a satisfying career,and exercise routine (most of the time), and I am very aware that I deserve something nice every once in a while. Now, the things I should know, I am doing ok at, but still working on some of them. I have learned this year when to try harder and when to walk away, and I am working on applying and actually following through with that. I know who the secretary of state is, the others I am a little fuzzy on. I love living alone and know how to do that perfectly. I know where to go when my soul needs soothing (I have a few places, but let me tell you, 2 little blonde girls and their giggles will sooth a soul immediately). I loved my childhood and wouldn't change anything about it. The flossing I could probably work on. The trust I have down, which is funny because I just said to someone tonight "I like her, but I don't trust her..." I have learned about trust this last year, and about what you can say and who you can say it to, who you can trust with your deep dark secrets and feelings, and how quickly trust can be lost or broken. I love the length of my legs, and am probably one of the few women who wishes her hips were a little bit bigger (seriously, no butt= pants that NEVER stay up, and it's not because they are too big, there is just NOTHING for them to sit on). I think I know how to fall in love without losing myself, but give me a little while to test this one out again. The kissing one I clearly suck at, but this will be included in my juicy stories I will only tell in my old age. Yea, and you thought the blog was a tell-all...right.... Anyway, I think life does begin at 30. You don't know yourself well enough before that point. I have figured out what makes me happy, what makes me tick, and what excites me. I know what is important, and which friends to turn to in certain situations. I love that I have a good job, with a purpose, and things to do in my free time, goals, ambition, and responsibility. I like where I am in my life. I have a few things to work on, but life would be boring if we didn't have things to fix about ourselves, to work on improving. And I love that! The question is, what am I supposed to have and know by 40? And don't say gray hair, because that is so already happening...

One year

It's been a year, and it feels like yesterday. A day doesn't pass that I don't think about Suzy.

I talk to her everyday. I ask her questions about life, I laugh with her about things I know she would laugh at if she was still alive. I think (a lot) about what she would say to me if I asked for her advice. I talk to her now more than I did when she was alive. I am not religious per se, and I don't really know what my beliefs are concerning the afterlife, but I talk to Suzy all the time. She is up there, watching and listening. She has to be. She shows up in my dreams from time to time. Sometimes I think she has enough to watch over, with her two beautiful children growing up without their mom. But I know she is taking care of them, and that brings me a lot of peace. She has been my guardian angel for the last year. And I know she has been an angel for so many others this year too.

In February, there was a night (ok, there were several nights) when I almost lost it. I had spent the entire day at St. Luke's, meeting with doctors and having tests run. Jessica had stayed with me, keeping me distracted and upbeat. I was doing fine until I went back for the MRI. As I changed into another hospital gown and looked into the mirror in the bathroom, I started to lose it. I felt all alone, facing something I wasn't sure I could overcome. I looked straight into my own eyes in that bathroom mirror and watched them well up. And then I thought of Suzy. I am not sure why, or what made me think of her, but I did. And she brought me back and reminded me how strong she was, and how she always found the humor in everything. And she got me through the next two hours of laying on a cold metal bench, alone and scared, with no clue how I was going to face the next few weeks.

When Suzy died, a lot changed. For all of us. It made us all look at life differently. It made me realize what is worth worrying about, and what is not. And it reminded me that you never know how much time you have. When they told me I had a heart tumor, all those thoughts came rushing back. I was scared, not to die, but to deal with such a major life changing event. But more than being scare, I was mad. I was mad at myself. When Suzy died, I spent a lot of time realizing how much I take for granted, and how lucky I am. For a while, after she died, I had a different outlook on life. I appreciated the smallest things, hugged people harder and longer, and tried to appreciate how much I had. Then that faded. And when the heart tumor reared its head, I realized I was mad at myself for forgetting the lessons I had learned when Suzy passed away. It was then that I realized I didn't want her death to be in vain. What she taught me I never want to have to learn again, and I never want to forget. And I certainly shouldn't have to be reminded about how easy it is to take life for grant by a heart tumor, let alone a friend's death.

This last year, many of my close friends have had babies. Suzy had 2 children, and she was the most amazing mom I have ever met. My girlfriends are all wonderful mothers, but there was just something about Suzy, it was so natural for her. I have a friend who had a little girl who died when she was 18 months old. She passed away, to the day, 2 years before Suzy. This hit me hard last year when I realized it, but, for some reason, is hitting me even harder this year. I can't help but think, though, that Suzy is making sure that little girl is taken of too. She wouldn't have it any other way.

This week at work we were going through old videos on YouTube about our programs at NASA. I was pulling links for some of the videos to include in a presentation for work. And I was not prepared for what I found. In the midst of several student videos was a video produced two years ago for a television show. Half way through the video, I found myself watching Suzy talk about NASA and the program. For the last year I have found pictures of Suzy all over the place. We made a book for her children, so I spent hours pouring over pictures trying to find the right ones to save for her babies. I found a note in my desk she left me two summers ago. We found a card she had made us with her daughter's picture on it. This week, however, was the first time I had heard her voice in over a year. And it hit home that this was it. There won't be more videos of Suzy. We have what we have, and that's all we are going to get. The link to the video is here:

http://youtu.be/3d0aZEDpiAI

I think Suzy would be especially enthralled with the fact that the producers of this video labeled her as an engineer. In the midst of the tears watching this, the "Engineer" title made me giggle. It is SO Suzy! And what I love those most is that, even though she isn't with us anymore, this is a new memory for me, and for her friends. And she is still cracking us up. For some, I imagine this is a comforting thing to watch. I think for others it will be difficult. It's there for those of you who want to hear her voice again. I just wish there was more of it.

For me, dealing with Suzy's death was difficult for several reasons on several levels, most of which I am not going to go into on the internet. Those of you who know, know. Those who don't most likely never will. I will say that it took me longer to mourn her than I expected, and that I don't think I faced her death as head on as I could or should have. Death, I think, is not something you get over in a specified amount of time, or ever, really. But, over the last few weeks, I have realized something. Talking about her has gotten easier. Remembering the fun we all used to have has become somewhat less painful. It makes me smile to remember the crazy days at work we used to spend playing match maker, or the afternoons we spent drinking a few too many beers, or the evenings we spent with (sometimes drunk) astronauts in the Historic Mission Control. She used to just hand me Morgan when she would walk into the room, because she knew how much I loved her. We planned a trip to Colorado last spring when I was going for work. I wish we had followed through and taken that trip, even if she was seven months pregnant. These memories make me smile. She was such a cool girl. We had nothing but fun when we were together. And she was an unforgettable friend. I think, as I reflect on her today, that she would want all of us to love each other like she did. And to give out hugs like they are going out of style. And to just live, happy and healthy, as much as possible. And mostly, to remember her with smiles, not with tears. I won't ever forget Suzy, and I am going to keep remembering all of our fun for years to come. I miss her, but know she is somewhere, watching us all figure out life, and laughing as she enjoys the show.

AWESOME

A year ago, almost to the day, I went to my (awesome) doctor because I was so tired I could barely get out of bed, let alone function at a normal level. Thus started a several month journey back and forth to blood labs, specialists, pharmacies, and hospitals. 11 months later I had had 2 surgeries, 3 sleep studies, several sleep aides, a CPAP, 7 separate blood draws, and 3 cameras shoved down my throat. After canceling 3 vacations, not eating for several weeks, and not sleeping for several nights in a row, I was basically at my wits end. And then, suddenly I made some major changes and life improved drastically. I put my foot down a couple of times at work. I got rid of a boy who, in the end, was a huge ass (thanks friends who knew this MONTHS in advance). I spent some time with some amazing friends and their beautiful children. I started eating balanced meals and working out 3-4 times a week. I started taking obscene amounts of Vitamin D. And all of a sudden, my life is AWESOME. Again. I mean, it was awesome before, but apparently it just took a break. I have energy like nothing I have ever had before. I can get up at 6, workout, work all day, do something late into the evening, and repeat. I no longer have to spend all weekend sleeping just to get through the next week. I feel good. No, I feel great. And it is about time. 30 sucked, but not for the reasons I thought it might. 31 is going to be awesome, and I am so ready to get started. I have a lot to look forward to, and a lot going great in my life already these days (and no, I am not going to expand on that just yet...). It is about time.

So, thanks everyone, for bearing with me as I got through this last year. And now, as I am about to turn 31, I am pretty sure we have a year to catch up on. So, who is in for some fun trips and new adventures? C'mon people, I have energy to burn and places to go!

4 days with the minis. Or well, day 1 and then exhaustion.

Day 1: This morning was a little early for Aunt Debs. At 4:40, Jess rolled in and said something about getting me up earlier so I could sleep more. Whatever, she was clearly drunk/nuts. I mumbled something about downstairs and somehow pulled myself out of bed and down to her bedroom, where both she and Dusty were holding vigil over Brylee. Possibly looking for her pacifier amongst the blankets and chubs. Who knows. Anyway, a half hour later, the Cejkas departed for their snow skiing escape, and my duties officially started. By 7am, Brylee was sleeping soundly in her crib with pacifier #2, and Brooklyn was completely wrapped around my head, smacking me in the eye every few minutes. 7:45 and Brylee announced she was done with sleeping and ready for some action. Then she gave me the saddest I have ever heard come out of that little ball of cuteness. My heart melted because she sounded like she was just crushed that she had to wake up. It was like putting into a sound the way you feel every morning when your alarm goes off and you have to go to work. Life sucks! So, I put them both on the floor, turned on Einstein, and headed to the kitchen to get bottles. it was then that all hell broke lose, and Brooklyn gave me her first "don't ever leave me again, ever!" scream as I left her eyesight. And then they both proceeded to crawl after me. Cutest/loudest thing ever. I picked up Brooklyn and took her with me to get the bottles, then laid them both back down on the boppy, handed them a bottle, and watched them happily eat away. So freakin' glad they hold their own bottles now. I had just enough time for a diaper change before January (Jessica's nanny/neighbor) rolled in to take over. I showered, tried unsuccessfully to get a wave good bye from the minis, and headed to work.

Now get this. Today was the day that my dumb ass (sorry for the cussing, but you will understand how this is the only way to describe me in a second) decided to start working out again. Since there is no tumor, I am assuming I can let my heart rate increase again, so i left work after stuffing a ridiculous number of student bags, and headed to the gym. 45 minutes later, and covered with sweat, I was pretty thrilled with myself. And pretty hungry. So, while dreaming of roasted broccoli (and trying to decide if I really thought Jess had broccoli at her house) I drove back to my hangout for the whole weekend, the Cejka house. Once there, January informed me everyone was sleeping. Score! Yea, score for about 20 minutes. And then both babies were very suddenly awake, and not too happy about it. Brooklyn was super clingy and almost went back to sleep at one point. Brylee, on the other hand, was perfectly happy "working" on Aunt Debs' blackberry. This was fine as long as it stayed out of her mouth. We watched some news, chased Simba, and had all sort of fun tickling and walking across the room. That's right, they are both walking. Then we had some green beans for dinner (because I refuse to feed them Veg-All, Jessica, until all other foods have been eaten. And lots of cheerios. And some puffs, although, somehow Aunt Debs was only let with about 10 puffs in the can. I almost walked out right then and there. Until I found a back up can of veggie sticks and decided it wasn't quite the end of the world. Oh, and in case you are wondering, I ate a lunchable for dinner. Yep, I totally understand how single moms lose weight. They dont have time to eat. After dinner we played with Nana, who rolled in to help and brought me a fish sandwich from McDonalds (because it is Friday, she tells me...didn't have the heart to tell her I am not Catholic), as well as 2 cupcakes. Eventually bedtime rolled around, and we put on our footie pajamas and warmed up bottles. Everything was going smooth until Jeremy decided to visit his nieces. And then Nana took a cell phone call with a half asleep Brooklyn in her arms. Brylee went to bed like a champ (to be fair, she has lots of experience being put to sleep by Aunt Debs), but Brooklyn's head popped up after the cell phone was answered, and it was down hill after that. She eventually went to bed around 9:30, and I got into bed soon after. It was a long week and an even longer evening...

Day 2. Eh, who am I kidding. Day 2-4: Too exhausted to blog. Too exhausted to eat. Too exhausted to do much other than make sure the minis don't kill themselves or each other. How do single mom's function? If you want to hear about the rest of my weekend with the cutest twins around, just ask me. I am too tired to type it up.

Henry the Tissue Blob?

Yesterday was my third (and hopefully final) TEE (I am not looking up what it stands for again, I am sure you all know my now, or know how to google it, right?). Jessica and I started the day at 5:45am and were sitting in awesome traffic on 45 by 6:15. Needless to say, I did not arrive by 6:30 as the nurse had requested. Instead it was close on 7 before I rolled in to admitting. Luckily I either missed the rush or there never was one, because I was admitted and registered pretty much right away, and then whisked upstairs (via the purple elevators in St. Luke's...everything is color coded there) to the third floor where I was met with a sign leading to Cardiovascular out patient services (and Nuclear procedures, which we were hoping I was not having). Filled out more paperwork (more people in this town know my height and weight and allergies than I ever intended), and was very quickly taken back to the room where the procedure would be done. Elizabeth was my nurse, and older black woman who told me she had worked in ICU for years and then had been asked to do this job instead, which she liked more because usually no one died. Right. Awesome. Anyway, she rocked it out on my IV and did it in one shot, which is more than I can say for other recent IVs I have had, although there is now a strange series of 3 marks on my arm, and I am fairly certain there was only one needle. Oh well, still better than the blowout last May.

Anyway, so after the IV, things get a little blurry. The doctor I was supposed to have was on spring break, so her boss was coming in to do he procedure. Yadda yadda yadda, best in the world, yadda yadda, won't hurt a bit, yadda yadda, whatever. Why the heck was the original doctor on spring break? And why the heck did no one really know if she was coming in or not. Just seemed a little sketch, but whatever. Elizabeth had somewhere to be at nine, so she will going to have this procedure done by then, come hll or high water. Fine by me, no use in wasting time before I can eat breakfast. Ever since my appetite returned, breakfast has been a key meal in my happiness factor for the day. Anyway, so in rolls one of the other doctors. Maximum possible age: 17. And a second doctor peeks his head in to say hi to my first teenage doctor. He was most likely 12, and went to school with my doctor's younger brother. When the hell did I get old? And when the hell did I get to be old enough to have doctors with specialties who are younger than certain pairs of shoes I own??

Anyway, eventually they ran through the entire procedure and raved and raved about how bad the hurricane spray was going to be. The spray is not nearly as bad as the feeling of choking on something the side of a thumb, but whatever. Then the 17 year old sprayed me until I was numb and/or there was burning in my throat to make me numb. And then we waited. And waited, and waited. Dr. Steinbech was apparently going to take his time. Now, apparently I met this guy, and I thought he was old, but Jessica tells me he also was younger than either of us. Possibly I was pretty out of it by this time. I remember flipping over on my side and the tech wrapping the mouth guard around my neck and checking my BP. And then...well...

The next thing I remember is being wide eyed, looking at the screen, and the doctor looking at me and saying, (very calmly I might add) "Uh, she is wide awake. Go ahead and push some more drugs" And then I remember nothing until I tried to swallow and instead choked on the tube, and then I guess they decided they were done, and up came the whole thing. My throat was raw as all get up, but I was fairly certain they were done. Apparently Jessica and Jenny rolled back in about that time. I have no recollection of them being in there together, but then again, I don't recall much. Jess tells me they doctor gave me a full explanation and I fell asleep half way through it. I remember vaguely the screen shots he showed me. I then remember them sending Jess to get the car after the nurse hung my clothes on the back of the door (they were in my purse until that point) and we were both a little confused as to why she didn't just hand them to me. There was a wheelchair ride to the front of the hospital, but I do not remember the elevator ride downstairs (and where the heck was Jack while this was all going on?). Then Jess got lost and took her sweet time picking us up. Then we all got lost trying to find food.

Ended up at Katz's, a well known Jewish deli (see, you knew I had the jewish in me, right?) so we could eat. Jack sat in the back of the car on the way there and asked me if I was feeling ok. I think he might have been a little confused as to what was going on, but he was so sweet about it. Once at breakfast, I have a vague memory of eating an omelette and some potatoes and some of Jack chocolate chip pancakes. Then we chased down the Mmm Cupcake truck (more on this amazingness later) to buy us some cupcake desserts. And then. Well, then I remember nothing. I have a half memory of falling asleep in the car on the way home and trying to keep myself awake. And I got inside the house and sat on the couch. I woke up sitting up a little bit later and must have gotten into bed, because the next thing I remember is waking up at 5 and wondering where the hell I was. Oh, and I was so confused as to why I had 10 text messages, until I realized I had texted people earlier in the day (no idea how this happened). I then proceeded (according to my phone) to call several people and have legitimate conversations with them. No recollection, sorry Caitlin, Colleen, Travis and Mom, maybe we can try again now? Passed out again around 11 after watching TV that I now probably have to rewatch, and felt much better this morning.

Anyway, I am so glad this all seems to be coming to an end. The doctor told Jess (well, and me, but I don't remember) that he has done thousands of these tests (find this hard to believe as he is clearly 17 years old and can't have been a doctor for long enough for THOUSANDS of tests) and never seen anything like what he saw in my heart. Basically there are long stringy things, we think called chordae tendineae, that are normal. What is not normal in the the tissue in the middle of all of them that seems to be hanging out in the middle of my heart. But, while not normal, also not dangerous or something this (17 year old) doctor was worried about. I guess the final say comes from Dr. Fish, but I am not concerned, and just happy there isn't something foreign in my heart, hanging out trying to mess with me. I guess "Henry the tissue blob" will have to do for now.

I know I say it a lot, but I am really thankful to have had the friends I have with me through all of this. Jess and Jenny took great care of me yesterday, even though Jessica basically passes out at the sight of a needle, I told her it wasn't her day and the listened! They were a greta distraction from the reality of what I was doing, which is probably the biggest help possible. My favorite is when Jenny sends me pictures of homework she is grading that is so ridiculous it is funny! And of course, all of the loving texts, voicemails, facebook posts and emails, those mean so much to me. I am a lucky lucky girl, and not just because I don't actually have a heart tumor. Pretty sure I have the best friends and family in the world. I'd put money on it!

Brooklyn and Brylee Turn One

One year ago today I woke up to 5 missed calls and 7 texts, all asking me if I was with Jessica. I had no idea what had happened, all I knew was that I had hung out with her the afternoon before in the hospital while she was on bed rest. We had weeks to go before she was giving birth, and we had made plans for sleepovers at the hospital and set-ups for me with all the single doctors in the ward. Of course, my first thought was that something bad had happened. Then I got the top text, from Jess, that just said "babies are coming tonight." Holy moly. So, I fought the urge to call her, because, you know, she was a little busy, and instead, did what any normal person in 2011 would do: I checked Facebook. "Babies are coming tonight! Will update when they get here." Followed closely by "The Cejka twins arrived at 1am. 3lb8oz and 3lb5oz. Babies are in nicu. Mom is extremely sore, tired and hungry. Names will be announced later today. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers for the girls!" Somehow, between going to bed and waking up, two little girls had pushed their way into this world. And let me tell you, those girls stole my heart from day 1.

I went to work and pretended to do something until Jessica actually told me I could come up to the hospital. I think I ran three red lights on the way there. I found Jessica in her room, super out of it and fighting with the pain medicine button: she would push the button, the machine would beep at her telling her she couldn't have more meds yet, and she would shoot the machine a go to hell look. They brought Jess some food and promptly took it away when they realized she couldn't have solids yet. I thought she was going to go after the nurse who took the food away (and punch her), but she couldn't quite stand up. Dusty took me down to meet the girls, and we took some pictures of the little ones on their first day in this world. It was such a cool day to be able to meet these little girls, and to wonder what their lives had in store for them.

Over the last year, I have fallen in love with these girls over and over again. It just seems like they have always been there, and they make everything better. We visited them in the hospital quite a bit when they were first born. We held them tight and told them we loved them the day we lost Suzy. They came home on my 30th birthday and I sat in the corner of Jessica's bedroom holding a little one and watching my friends try to figure out how they were going to do this without the help of the nurses at the hospital. We rooted them on as they learned how to rollover, sit up, crawl, and even stand. We sat in an 8x8 square space we dubbed "the gated community" and played with them for hours. I fed them little tastes of things behind their mother's back (Brylee LOVED cream cheese at 4 months). We took them swimming and out to all sorts of crazy events (picture Jessica and I with a double stroller at the Epicurean night). Jess dressed them matching every single day and I made fun of her every single day. We walked them around the fountain 100s of times. We ALL spent hours and hours walking around both little girls trying to get them to sleep. We sang nursery rhymes (ok, I sang, Jessica only does the ABCs). I held them both on my lap (a feat in itself these days) and read the Smurf book. Over and over again. We searched for green pacifiers for Brylee and little white flower pacifiers for Brooklyn. We made it though the MAJOR spitting up phase (Brylee) and whiny phase (Brooklyn), and are now in the temper tantrum phase (Brylee) and the biting phase (uh, both apparently). I have been trying to teach them to wave and blow kisses for six months, and have been less than successful at both. Brylee loves to play with my Blackberry. Brooklyn loves to play with, well, anything that Brylee is playing with. Brooklyn is almost walking. Brylee is in the 99th percentile for (get this) her head size, so she is a little too top heavy to be walking yet. I think Brylee is pretty much the mini version of Maxine (the old woman in the cartoon strips). She grunts and growls and is generally a pissed off old woman. This pretty much sums it up:


Yea, I love them, can you tell? Where the heck did that last year go?

Most of all, though, I have just spent countless evenings sitting with these little ones and watching them giggle and play. They are so cute! The last month has been a little stressful, and these 2 have kept me grounded, kept me sane, and most of all, kept me smiling. Tonight I arrived, and both of them looked up from their toys and broke into grins. When I sat down, Brooklyn took six whole steps towards me before diving at me. Brylee came and sat on my lap and just babbled at me. I have a lot of friends with kids, but I have never been close enough geographically to watch them grow up like this, and to form this kind of relationship. As I tell them nightly, I will always take care of them, be there for them, and teach them all the things their parents don't want them to learn. That's what Aunt Debs is for, right?

So, today I am celebrating these two little angels and the awesome lives they have in front of them. They are so sweet, and they are going to break a lot of hearts when they grow up. I can't wait to see it all go down!

Fun Weekend!

This weekend reminded me how awesome my friends are. And also, in a weird way, how many awesome friends I have from so many facets of my life. It was just one of those weekends, the weather was gorgeous, I didn't have a ton of plans, but everything fell into place perfectly.

Friday night Sara and I decided we were both too young to sit on our couches on a Friday night (we have these moments often, and they usually lead to some fun outings). We started at Boon's, our favorite Friday night beer establishment (it is so Raleighs from college, only with astronauts). I have to admit, we have spent a few evenings there recently when we almost gave up because the parking was such a scene, but this time we both found spots and ended up in "our" table in the big fireplace. We solved the world's problems in a couple of hours, and then decided it was high time for some dessert. We started at BJs, but with a half hour wait, we soon moved on to House of Pies. My first time, but Sara is a veteran. One slice of strawberry rhubarb pie a la mode, and I was pretty much good to go forever. It was an awesome night or good conversation, lots of laughter, and a few life problems solved. And it was topped off by an awesome phone call from Colleen to tell me she was getting married! Woohoo!

Saturday morning I got up and drove up to IAH to pick up Raven, who had an 8 hour stopover in Houston before flying to Ecuador. Some people have such problems! Anyway, I haven't seen Raven since a long night in a pool hall in December 2004. Thats 7 years ago, and so much has changed...but then, not that much has really changed at all. We spent several hours playing catch up and just laughing over how it was, how it is, and how it will always be. Raven and I were so close in college, I mean, we basically lived together my sophomore year, in an apartment the size of a shoebox. And even though we haven't been too in touch over the last few years, we still fell right back into old times, like we had seen each other last week. We laughed and told stories, and talked about the good, the bad, and the ugly until he had to get back to make his flight (which, Raven, I hope you made, because you know I am much more of an early arriver than you are).

After that I made the 3 hour drive to the lake house, with the company of Veronica. We again solved the problems of the world (yea, you are welcome world).

Once at the lake house, we did some justice to some fajitas and then a 10lb cake that Kathy had brought, and sort of just vegged on the couch for the rest of the night. Brooklyn passed out at 7, Brylee by 9, and Jess and I were both in bed by 10. Apparently we are super fun on Saturday nights!

This morning was awesome! We spent the morning on the back deck, overlooking the lake (well, in theory, although the lake is super low currently, so you can't see much), drinking Diet Coke (ok, yes, coffee would have also worked, but DC just sounded good), PJ pants rolled up, and sun shining on my very white legs. I can say with some assurance that this year, I am getting my tan back. Last year was a little rough, but this year, it is on! And this morning, it started. We watched the babies roll themselves back and forth along the deck, and then held them on the railing and let them watch the deer. They were fascinated! Brylee especially loved just watching the deer. That little girl has literally just stolen my heart. I mean, they both have, but Brylee has such facial expressions, and you can just watch her concentrate so hard on something, and take it all in. I can't wait to watch her grow up and see what she and her little sister come up with to cause trouble and grow their parents' gray hair!

We eventually did get showered and dressed and loaded up into the truck. I started in the front seat with Jess, and the babies were asleep in the back seat. Strangely, this is just how the Ike evacuation started...we really havent come all that far, have we? Anyway, this didnt last long before Brooklyn announced that she was awake with some crying. And there went Aunt Debs, face first, into the back seat. Luckily Jessica is a pretty good driver, and did not swerve off the road while I climbed over the seat to hang out with the babies. There was some whining, and Brooklyn and I had words over her throwing of the toys, but eventually we pulled out the ipad and set the animal flashcards up, and then threw a bottle (uh, or 3) into the mix, and things were good. That is, until the other mini woke up from her marathon 2 hour nap, and clearly was confused as to why her bottle was mostly water (after her sister ate her formula filled bottle), and why Aunt Debs wasn't giving her the ipad. Now, when Brylee gets mad, she totally grumbles. Loudly. Like low growly voice, and some yelling. It is hilarious, and cute as heck, but you know when we laugh at her, she just gets more upset. So, anyway, this started the meltdown. I was passing out puffs at an alarming rate, but only Brooklyn was interested. We tried some Chicken Noodle (pureed, and one of the grossest smells in the world), but the minis were not having it. This was about the time Jessica says "hmm, do you smell something?" Aunt Debs went in for the check-in, but found nothing other than 2 screaming babies who were not happy about being sniffed and asked "did you poop?" Yea, I am classy like that. Anyway, eventually, after a lot of screaming and toy throwing, we stopped for a diaper change and a quick walk around a parking lot. And then back we piled in to continue...it was a long 3 hours, but we all made it home in one piece, and even all fell asleep as we pulled off the freeway (the babies, not me and Jess).

I spent the weekend with friends from so many different parts of my life. I love that I have friends from college, or high school, or even earlier that show up in my life and it is like nothing has changed. Raven and I laughed about people and times I haven't thought about in years. It really made me smile. And it really made me realize how much you forget about life as things go on. There were entire situations in college I had forgotten about completely. And I love that my friends from high school, who I have talked about and planned our wedding for years, call me right after their families to tell me they are getting married! And then my friends in Houston, the ones that sit next to me when I am crying, or make me laugh when I am having a bad day, or celebrate my successes as they happen, they are awesome! I couldn't have asked for better people to share my life with, past or present.

All in all, it was an awesome weekend. I love this weather, the blue skies and cool air reminds me so much of Newbury Park and all it perfect weather (wish it wasn't so damn expensive to live in Cali these day, and that there was a NASA center closer to NP). It just puts me in a good mood. The windows are open in my house, the cats are sleeping on the deck, and I am happy. And damn it, that hasn't been the case for an entire weekend in a few weeks, so I'll take it. Back to work tomorrow, and this will begin some serious chaos because CAS is officially less than 3 weeks away, and I have pretty much no clue what the heck is going on, so it should be an interesting setup. Exciting eh? Yea, good thing I am comfy flying by the seat of my pants, because I tend to do it often.

Just as a warning, I have somehow signed up to babysit the minis for 4 nights (and the weekend in the middle of these nights) in 2 weeks. Anyone want to come hang out with this sucker? Woohoo!!